Oliver Quade, the Human Encyclopedia by Gruber Frank

Author:Gruber, Frank
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: MysteriousPress.com/Open Road
Published: 2014-01-14T05:00:00+00:00

State Fair Murder

He was here again. He saw the bright new banners: Minnesota State Fair, and a wave of nostalgia swept through him. There was sunshine and the clacking of turnstiles. Along the Midway he saw the same faces, heard familiar voices; the Kewpie dolls the suckers never won, gleamed from their shelves. He saw all of this and was glad that he was again a part of it.

And so he turned into the Education Building and found a bench and, mounting it, began talking in a voice that was louder than the noises of the huge building, that drowned even the clamor of the Midway and the yells of fifty thousand throats at the nearby speedway.

“I am Oliver Quade, the Human Encyclopedia!” he thundered. “I know the answers to all questions. I can answer anything anyone can ask, on any subject …”

A man rushed up and, grabbing Oliver Quade’s coat, tugged furiously.

“You can’t start that stuff in here!” he cried, in a thin, high voice. “I told you you had to work outside!”

A look of utter weariness came upon Oliver Quade’s face. “Mr. Campbell,” he said, “I do not think more of twenty-five dollars than you do of your right arm. Yet that is the sum I paid you and I insist therefore, that I be allowed to work wherever I choose. And I choose this building.”

“Quade,” gritted Campbell, who was secretary of the Fair, “I dislike grease joints because they sell bad food and clutter up the grounds, yet I do not detest them one-hundredth as much as sheet-writers. And I would rather sleep in bed with a sheet-writer than live on the same street with a pitchman. And you, sir, are a pitchman. Do I make myself clear?”

So Oliver Quade took his case of books and went outside the Education Building. The noises of the Midway, the eighteen racing cars on the speedway, the fifty thousand persons in the grandstand could have been equalled only by eight tornadoes, three earthquakes and a 21-gun salute from the Pacific Fleet.

Yet Quade went into competition with it all—and held his own.

“I am Oliver Quade, the Human Encyclopedia,” he roared again. “I know the answers to all questions. I can answer anything anyone can ask me, on any subject—history, science, mathematics …”

An angry-looking man waved a book at Oliver Quade and yelled: “Who was the Republican nominee for president in 1848?”

“Ha,” said Quade, “you jest. The Republican Party did not come into existence until 1860. Abraham Lincoln was its first nominee.” He waved his arms dramatically and yelled at the throng that was gathering around him. “Now, try me on something else. Any subject, history, science, mathematics, sports—”

It was a hell of a time for murder.

The man who had asked the question about the Republican Party cried: “Ohmygawd!” and fell against Quade—dead.

Quade lowered the man to the ground and saw a little dart sticking in the small of his back. He picked up the book the man had dropped and noted the title: “Arnold’s American History.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.